Watches aren’t going anywhere. No matter what 'big tech' tries to strap
onto our wrists, there will always be people who buy, collect, and
actually wear watches. I don’t see that slowing down for the next 30
years.
But the so-called collectors aren’t one big happy family. They’re a
jungle of sub-species - each with its own quirks, excuses, and
questionable logic. After decades in the trade, here’s my field guide:
The Magpie
Collects purely by eye. Beauty, shape, style - if it sparkles, it’s in.
The collection ends up a dozen or so watches with nothing in common…
except they all look fantastic. Worn daily, shuffled like a deck of
cards.
The Sentimentals
A drawer full of Dad’s, Mum’s, and Uncle’s watches. The crown jewel? The
twenty-first. Milestone pieces with heart-swelling stories, but almost
no resale value. To them, that’s the point.
It’s All About Money
The biggest group of all. Watches aren’t worn - they’re spreadsheets.
Each piece is a “strategic asset,” purchased only to appreciate in
value. Collecting? No. Market speculation in steel cases.
The Hoarders
Quantity over everything. Two hundred watches and counting - cheap,
pricey, broken, doesn’t matter. The joy isn’t in wearing them, it’s in
stacking them like firewood.
The One-Watch Guy
Owns a single watch but still stares longingly at every new release. His
loyalty is ironclad, but he lives in permanent horological FOMO.
Prudence has its virtues… but also its torments.
The Purist
Obsessive, tunnel-visioned, and miserable. Worships craftsmanship - but
only if stamped with his chosen brand’s logo. Often correct, rarely fun
at parties.
The Dodgy Guy
Knows shit nothing about watches, but needs somewhere to park excess
cash. Approach with caution - or better yet, don’t approach at all.
The Bling Dude
Dodgy’s younger cousin. Breitlings iced like a bakery, Rolex Presidents
with aftermarket bezels, and other atrocities. Proof that money can’t
buy anything of importance..
The Sophisticated Collector
My favourite. Builds thematic collections - often chronographs - tracing
a brand’s evolution. Thrives on the hunt for that elusive missing
piece. Informed, connected, respectful. The grown-up in the room.
The Rolex Man
Nothing beats Rolex. A full-blown love affair with his AD. His fantasy? A long weekend in Geneva - with the AD, of course.
The Surgeon / Lawyer
After an 18-hour shift, drenched in blood or buried in briefs, he has
just enough strength for one click: “I’ll take it.” For him, a new watch
isn’t a trophy, it’s therapy. Brutal, honest, well-earned. Respect.
"I like it"
He just likes it - a perfect fit on the wrist, a nice dial, really good looking. He’s happy.
No need to overthink, overdo, or impress anyone. Life is simple, worth
living. Watches are fun - meant to be liked and enjoyed. It’s as simple
as that.
Happy collecting.
NH